This summer Marsha and I will celebrate our 32ndwedding anniversary. I consider myself fortunate to spend life with my best friend and to share a comfortable life together. I often think about all the ways that we have adapted and made adjustments to strengthen our love for each other.
When I was young and single, I thought I would become the perfect husband. I had ideals of how emotionally balanced, consistently cheerful and boundlessly energetic I would be in this new venture.
I believed that I would be supremely happy and always lead my family like a hero. I believed that my wife would always greet me at the door and shower me with kisses and food. If ever there would be difficulties, we would calmly and politely communicate and that problem-solving would easy-peasy.
I had an unrealistic idea about myself and what marriage was. I thought I was all that and a bag of chips. I was in love, but it was not mature love.
What I didn’t necessarily count on was the ways that I was blind to my own selfishness and self-righteousness. I didn’t count on actually marrying someone with a mind of their own that could shred me if she so chose. I didn’t know that I could be hurtful and foolish.
Needless to say, I have learned that marriage is more than I expected, and it has shaped me profoundly. I married a disciple of Jesus and she has taught me volumes about sacrificial love and honesty. I have been profoundly happy in marriage and I have also been deeply humbled and come to understand how far love will take you if you let it.
Maybe, most of us that marry do so thinking that marriage will make us happy. But what if God’s best purposes in marriage is not to make you happy, but instead holy?
Let’s talk about some of the stress fractures that happen in marriages. What are the adjustments that can bring relief and healing to an injured couple?